But What I really Want To Do Is Direct...

Help

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:57:00 +0000

Ok, my wife is trying to kill me. So, just in case something untoward happens over the next few weeks, you will know why.

First, our week without children turns into a cleaning bonanza. Complete with trips to the dump, complete room rearrangements and a decision to switch our "den" and our "bedroom" rooms. Tons of work, little chance for rest.

Then, then. We finally get out here to West Texas. Beautiful. We drop the kids off at camp and begin our week of "reading" to prepare for Breadloaf. This morning, my wife asks, oh so innocently, "want to go for a walk?". Said walk turns into 2 and a half hours of pain, PAIN, as we climb a mountain. And we are in the Davis Mountains State Park, these are real genuine mountains.

I have no clue what tomorrow will bring. I will probably be told to jump out of a plane or something.

Testing yucku stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 03:16:00 +0000

I think my site got hacked. Trying to clean it...

Hallo

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 13 May 2008 02:54:00 +0000

Drinking cocktails while watching The Thin Man makes you very fashnickered.

Especially when you try to keep up with Nick and Nora.

Grok!

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 12 May 2008 01:46:00 +0000

More Music Goodness

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 08 May 2008 00:00:00 +0000

A week on the Web

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 05 May 2008 00:20:00 +0000

Orb, a program that lets you stream your media files to any wireless-enabled portable device. (So I can listen to my iTunes library at work without lugging around my song library).

Lovely, oh=so-lovely SteamPunk jewelry.

Here is a site on improving your memory

A list of real science books of use to Sci-Fi authors.

And finally, a program that turns any jump drive into an extremely versatile computer fixer/cleaner.

My wonderful son, who scares me

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:38:00 +0000

(A quick note,: I often write to think, which makes my writing rambly, contradictory and circuitous. Why I have decided to make the writing public, I am not sure. But I suspect that it is the not-so-dormant actor in me that must turn everything meaningful into a performance. Just a guess)

My son is amazing. An avid reader, a mad scientist, an out-of-the-box thinker (actually, he does not even know there is a box), and more able to focus on a single idea than any kid I know.

And yet, he scares me because I fear for him. I fear him surviving the obstacles, coming down the pubescent turnpike, that the world will inevitably put in front of him. For he is Different. The kind of Different that spawns geniuses and madmen, and at this juncture, it is so hard to know how to help him navigate towards good, without destroying everything that makes him wonderful to begin with. And good is the wrong word, he is good and I doubt that will change. More appropriate will be strong. How to make him strong enough to be himself when every social cue he will receive is to change.

Let us start with the physical. Gavin has, in the last year, developed a bit of a pot belly. Utterly terrifying to me because my weight has haunted me my entire life, and I do not want that for him. I still wrestle with confidence issues spawned from my chubby youth and I would not wish the kind of social alienation I felt in my early teen years on anyone, much less my son. Of course, there seems to be an easy answer, exercise and eat better. But this is far harder than it appears. He likes video games and books, not running and jumping (and he comes by this honestly, through his father), so any attempt at moving around is met with scorn. And healthy eating, we attempt, but our lives are so busy that without the occasional fast food or pizza, we would not be able to squeeze in sleep. And how do you explain to a seven-year-old that he needs to walk around the block a couple of times because he is fat? I want him to have a positive body image, not bring on the pressure early. Which makes me feel a bit helpless. Watch him get larger, knowing what lies ahead, but not able to do anything to prepare him without making him feel bad about himself.

Then, there is his personality. He is not social. Not anti-social, he likes the concept of friends, and he has several close ones, but he does not go out of his way to interact with people, and seems perfectly content to sit at the computer by himself all day. And breaking him from a game or book to force him to interact with the world is heresy and occasionally met with full on break-downs. The break-downs make him appear immature and already, he gets picked on as a baby, giving him all the more reason to just sit in a corner and read. As my wife said, "Compared to books, real life is a disappointment." So again, my own experiences rear their ugly head. I had such a difficult time with friends, and was so sure that my friends were there for convenience and not for me that I rarely felt comfortable with people, always worried if my next comment or action would be the thing that would drive them away. This is too much pressure from anyone, and in the case of my friends, a totally unfair assessment of our relationship. But old habits die hard, and sometimes, not at all.

Now, much of my worry comes from an admittedly unfair projection of my life and thoughts onto a much younger person who, physical resemblances aside, is not me. This aspect annoys my wife to no end. But it is too hard to escape, especially being that so many of my issues come from my physical appearance, and Gavin inherited that hook, line, and sinker. He is my mini-me. I try to keep perspective, but with difficulty.

He is a great kid, and I would do anything to keep him from getting hurt, anything expect be the one prepare him for the real world by hurting him first.

So, no answers. Just questions to ponder further.

Any of this make sense?

Testing embedding with Merlin and I's current favorite song

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 02 May 2008 22:25:00 +0000

I think I am going to start blogging again

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 02 May 2008 18:35:00 +0000

I miss blogging, which makes little sense as it is so easy to do, why not just do it.

But this has become a recurring theme in my life. You want something, why not just do it?

I am still wrestling with this question, but for now, I have blogged.

My mother will be happy.

In Which I Say Good-Bye to New Years Resolutions

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 00:41:00 +0000

For the past four or five years, I have made many resolutions, but this year, that tradition ceases. For me, resolutions have been nothing but a list of everything I don't like about myself. The list is, naturally, long and rather overwhelming when listed in one place. And tackling such a list is impossible and leads to nothing but more frustration and focus on my frustrations, many of which are beyond my control or, at the least, necessarily evils..

I want to stop thinking about the myriad of things I don't currently like about my life and focus a bit more on the positives. Much as it may sound like one, this is not a resolution, just hopeful optimism that I can remember that my life is pretty good when I am stressing about money, work, weight, bills, and the everyday stresses of being alive.

I would like to make resolutions again one day, as I am a huge believer in the power of rebirth and starting anew, but I want the resolutions to be about enrichment, not my deficits. So resolve away, world. This year, I abstain.

Three reviews

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:50:00 +0000

See, I am making good on my pledge to review my grad school books as I read them.

Modern American Drama

Angels in America by Tony Kushner

The most beautiful play I have read. I wept when I read the last half of Perestroika and I find myself stumbling over ways to describe why it affected me so much. I think partly because of a an I used to smuggle marijuana brownies while he was in hospice dying of AIDS. Partly it is because I agree with so many of the theological points, the waxing and waning of faith, the questioning of God's justice. And partly because of the collision of cultures that I see as a uniquely American experience. Jewish, Gay, Mormon, Republican, Democratic, believer and non, all struggle to find their way in our society. I feel the struggle in me, and so it is very affirming for me, even as far as I am from the American cultures depicted in the play.

I am not sure any of this makes sense, but I did say I was having trouble describing it.

Autobiography in America:

Two books read.

Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Making it in America by Barbara Ehrenreich

I was surprised that I did not like this book. Politically, I am right there with her. The lifestyle of America's lower class is abysmal and a blot on this country's image as the great equalizer. Rent too high, no public transportation, no net to fall back on when things go wrong, no public health care and employers who care more about their bottom line than your quality of life. Ms. Ehrenreich's description seemed all too familiar too me. And this was my problem with the book, nothing she wrote was new or informative to me. Of course, I am not her audience. She is trying to educate people who do not understand how this world works, and I appreciate that. But I have worked my share of crap jobs for no money that nothing she tells me is shocking to me. In fact, the only thing that really shocks me is the number of people who apparently had to be educated about the low-pay lifestyle by an investigative reporter. It seems remarkable to me the number of people who pay someone to clean their house without knowing their financial situation. I mean, they pay the bills, they must be able to extrapolate how the person lives. And of course, I would have liked more attempts at solutions, not just a highlighting of the problem. I know that solutions are not necessarily the point of investigative journalism, but, having known all of the bad stuff, I am at a place where I want answers, not ruminations. Answers like universal healthcare, a raise in the minimum wage, more unions and less corporate muscle in Washington.

I am also wondering what this book is doing on an Autobiography in America syllabus. While the writings and observations ore true, the situation is fake. This is not a woman living on minimum wage, this is a woman who artificially places herself in low-pay situations for a month to see what happens. This is not her low-pay life, she is just visiting. Ms. Ehrenreich is very careful about making this clear, but it still feels a bit hollow to call it an autobiography.

The Liar's Club: A Memoir by Mary Karr

Memoirs are about complaining. And this woman has reason to complain, but so do thousands of others in the country and, except for the fact that Ms. Karr had the gumption to sit down and write a book about it, I see nothing remarkable or insightful about her life. I realize it is a weird complaint that I learned nothing about myself from her life, but isn't that why we read? To find some piece of ourself and draw it into the light for a bit. Ms. Karr is an excellent writer, although her stories are often a bit circular for my liking. A story starts and goes and goes and gets sidetracked and waylaid until I have to go back to put the pieces together. I realize this was done intentionally for effect, but that does not seem to like it.

The fun part about this book is that it is about growing up in Texas, both in the East Texan Oil fields (where my mother's parents come from) and the Panhandle (home to Merideth's kin). Seeing as how I will be studying this book in Vermont with a bunch of Yankees, I feel I have a leg up on this work. Of course, it spawned the same problem as Nickel and Dimed. Familiarity. Little in the book is new to me. The horrible things she goes through (and she went through some terrible times in her youth) are matched by the stories of friends or family who I care about. So again, I don't learn anything new or different.

I am actually going to use this blog, damnit.

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 19:52:00 +0000

Greetings, I have discovered that I can not blog during the school year. A combination of too many papers to grade, too many meetings to attend, too much to plan and a desire to vent about whichever student annoyed me that day.

But it is summer, teacher Nirvana. And I am going to Grad school, which is scaring the hell out of me, for reasons both financial and academic. But whatever happens, I want to blog this summer. Later, I will regale you with tales of Grad school in Vermont. Until then, I got the idea to review all of the books I am reading here, as a way to save my initial reactions and to have a reason to post other than whims. Now, I have not read anything for school yet, but I need to get on that, so hopeful first review coming soon.

Well, a reason to update

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 11 May 2007 15:43:00 +0000

So, I have not posted in forever, but I was apparently tagged or dared or double-dog dared by Amy Goodyear, so I shall respond.

And let this be a lesson, I fear no online questionnaire.

Eight things about me. Hmmmm...

1. We named our children after Arthurian legends. Merlin is obvious except for the gender switch. Gavin is the English version of the Welsh Gawain, which we were going to name Gavin except that people kept saying "Ga-Wayne" and we could not handle it.

2. I don't eat anything that lives in water. No reason except yuch.

3. I teach English. This news has caused several heart attacks among the four English teachers who were subjected to me in high school.

4. I am the unofficial Geek Liaison on campus, being the sponsor of the Anime Club, the Role-Playing Club and the room of choice for a wide array of the odder and stranger sort that roam high school halls.

5. I am going to grad school this summer, and I am terrified. This is the first time I have ever been in an academically strenuous setting and cared what my grades were at the same time. In college, UT could be considered difficult, but Cs and the occasional D or F did not bother me. Years later, when I went to Texas State to get my teaching certificate, I wanted a 4.0, but the course work was embarrassingly easy. Now I want a 4.0 from a difficult program, we will see what happens.

6. I am the basis for a muppet. (See Ghost of Christmas Present in Muppet Christmas Carol).

7. I have been to 15 countries (so far).

8. I know more musical numbers than you do. You just need to trust me on this one.

I need to get ready for my next class, so my tags will have to come later...

I love my life

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 01:56:00 +0000

You have not lived until you have sat in your living room listening to your six year old son sing Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive" at the top of his lungs while taking a bath.

That is not a Yeah, that is a Hell Yeah

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 15:27:00 +0000

July 21 is the release date of the final Harry Potter book.

Huzzah!

A brilliant idea

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 13:05:00 +0000

So, I was thinking about these people that use weird online petitions and other assorted internet oddities to reach some fantastical goal. Some guy used Ebay to turn a sock (or some such) slowly into a house. Another someone lived a year in his apartment, without leaving, and filmed it all for money.

Now, I have my brilliant idea.

Will hosts the Oscars. He'd be better than Letterman.

Could I use the power of millions of anonymous web browsers with little better to do to somehow petition my way into hosting the Oscars.

It requires much thought...

I am slowly moving back into Presidential politics mode

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 15:48:00 +0000

During Austin's Ice Hibernation last week, I spent a lot of time organizing things in preparation of the upcoming political melee we know as Presidential campaigning. I bookmarked every candidates website, signed up for their emails, and (for bonus points) my RSS feed was set up to get instant syndication from the candidate's websites that are set up for it. (John Edwards, Tom Vilsack, Chris Dodd, Joe Biden and Mitt Romney).

I have mixed feelings about this election. My main concern with the Democrats is it has shaped into a showcase of diversity, which I applaud. The first viable woman, African-American, and Latino candidates are running. A huge event, one that the news outlets have not been discussing enough. My main worry now is that we will inevitably deny at least one of these very important constituencies inside the Democratic party the opportunity to be on the ticket.

Will woman be upset if the ticket is Obama/Richardson? Will African-Americans turn out for Clinton/Richardson? Will Latinos mobilize for Clinton/Obama? I wish these were just petty concerns that have no place in our decision-making, but reality is much different.

The solution to this is to have a very clean, upbeat campaign from all parties, one that allows the loser to still be apart of the campaign in the general election. I am not sure I trust the candidates to stay away from the negative, but I hope, hope, hope that advisors somewhere are reminding them that a bitter primary fight could drive away huge numbers of voters we need in the election. I hope, I hope.

I also hope I don't get so obsessed with the election that I lose sleep, but two years out, it is not looking too good.

Texas Winter

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 13:55:00 +0000

Wow. it got below 30 degrees two nights in a row, closing down schools for two days and sending the entire city to H.E.B. to stock up on provisions.

Despite the fact that I will not enjoy paying for them at the end of the year, I enjoyed my two days trapped in the house. I did nothing. Not one damn thing. I read a lot. Played a lot of computer games, watched some BBC Office, watched some BBC Extras. Nothing that even remotely be considered work. (This is not to say I do not have work to do, I have tons of work to do, I just didn't do any of it.)

The annoying thing is that being trapped in your house is worse than a cruise in terms of eating. I ate nothing but what I could concoct from ingredients in the house, all of which were very yummy and very fatting. I apparently need lots of work and time away from home to distract me from the deliciousness that is bad for you food.

I don't ever recall my body reacting this badly to stress

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 22:57:00 +0000

My shoulder and back muscles are actually in pain due to the amount of tensing they have done this last two weeks of semester. Grades due, textbooks due, reports of all shapes and sizes due. All while continuing to keep the attention of students whose minds wander after five minutes in the best of conditions.

I have never needed a massage. I don't even like the concept of a massage you pay for, but damn, I feel like Quazimoto over here.

Cross Generational Akwardness

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 03:52:00 +0000

The lad and I went to a Retirement Community tonight with his Cub Scout troop. About 15 very elderly people (all in wheelchairs and most carrying oxygen) turned out to hear 7 poorly prepared Cub Scouts sing three Christmas carols. There were numerous problems with this:

First, if you are going to take a group of boys caroling, it is a good idea to find out if the boys know the words to any carols in advance. Sheet music does not really work for your standard 6 year old.

Second, practicing, even once, is strongly advised.

Third, make sure the boys are not scared out of their gourds by strange, elderly people in wheelchairs.

Yes, there was awkwardness all around, as I basically sang three solos while 7 small 'uns stared into space.

To make matters worse, I am not better with dealing with the elderly than the boys. I think it is one of the major failings of my personality. Disease and infirmary do not bother me. Blood, guts, fascinating skin diseases, and whatever other symptoms someone might have do not phase me. Death, Death phases me. Put me in a room of people who can't walk just because they lived longer than their body expected to and I feel Death giggling at me in the corner. My extreme fear of death kicks in and I want to flee to a McDonald's playground, where everything is young and happy and clueless.

Testing Beta Blogger

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 04:50:00 +0000

Oh yes I am

I wonder if this still works

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 20:09:00 +0000

I live... I live!!!

Upon watching the Olympic Ice Dancing Competition

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 03:44:00 +0000

The U.S. will never be truly competitive in this event until we allow full civil rights for homosexuals.

I like the nightlife, I like to boogie

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 17:07:00 +0000

So, tonight I am attending a high school dance as a chaparone. My wife teaches at the school and is in charge of the dance, which means I am giong to the dance as well.

This will be my first formal dance since my crowning high school achievement, the attending of six different proms with six different girls my senior year of high school. I was quite the prom expert by the end of it.

Tonight, I will have to listen to bad music sadly, but it will probably be the only dance my daughter attends where she will actgually want to dance with me instead of some evil person attempting to rip her love away from me.

Meet my babysitter: World of Warcraft

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 17:31:00 +0000

So, a few months ago I finally gave up on Star Wars Galaxies. They had altered the game one too many times for my liking, and I had grown frustrated and bored. Last week, I acquired World of Warcraft, which I have been enjoying a lot. I haved a little dwarf hunter guy that I really enjoy.

But my children demanded that they be allowed to create characters as well, so that they could interact with the world also. This same thing happened with Star Wars Galaxies when I first purchased it, but a few minutes after creating their character, they grew bored and never played the game again. Such has not been the case with WoW. They sat down and created their characters, Merlin has a female human mage (she likes magic, but does not like the idea of playing something other than a human) and my son created a Tauren Druid. (Taurens are minotaurs who behave like Native Americans, and druids can change into different animals.)

I walked the children through the character creation process, allowing them to pick the race, the class, what the character looks like and the characters name. Thinking that this would be all they wanted to do, I then tried to switch to my character. I was met with much moaning and gnashing of teeth and told that they would be playing the game. At this point, my son is almost as high a level as I am (which is not that high but means he plays the game as much as I do.)

Now, for several reasons, I always play with them. The character controls are complex and there is a lot of problem solving involved. Plus, many people from all over the world log into play, so I am also there as a screener of sorts.

But, they play the game, not me. They tell me where to go, what to do, who to talk to and what to say. I offer advice, which is usually rejected, but they are the brains behind the operation.

Now, if I could just figure out a way for us to all go adventuring together, then we would be having some fun.