Poor Poetry Spam
Feb 20th, 2010 Posted in Everything | no comment »The Mathematical Mind
Whatever gene you need to understand math
eluded me.
Though the fascination with which people speak of it
intrigues me to no end.
I imagine worlds; vast populations of wizards and spacemen and alien fiends.
But I can’t imagine that there is a number less than zero.
I believe it.
I just can’t fathom it.
And with all the clutter in my cranium
I envy those who see mathematical beauty in the world around them
While I can only imagine
a world different from my own
Losing My Aria
Feb 9th, 2010 Posted in Life | no comment »I can sing opera. I never wanted to sing opera. I am no professional or anything, but give me an aria and a few days, and I can sound passable.
I want to sing rock. I want to sound like Michael Stipe. But I don’t. I sound like an amateur Pavarotti. And Pavarotti should not sing R.E.M. songs, it is just not the right voice. So when I sing what I want to sing, I sound like an idiot.
This is where my professional career seems to be languishing right now. I want to be a filmmaker. I seem to be okay at teaching. Given a few more years and some dedication on my part, I could be a great teacher. But what I want is to make movies. I can either pursue something that one day I might be really good at. Or pursue what I want, with the very real possibility of being mediocre at best. And I can’t do both. There does not seem to be enough to go around.
Being good or being content. Why is this the choice?
Damn my mind
Oct 11th, 2009 Posted in Life | no comment »Merideth has been unhappy at work. This is an understatement. While still liking kids, Merideth feels the administration of schools crushing her soul. I don’t like her soul being crushed, so I have been pressuring her to quit and pursue professional writing. There are many good reasons for doing this: Merideth feels incomplete without writing and the stress and time of school gets in the way of writing time, Merideth is a phenominal writer, part of her relishes the thought of being a Writer.
But I sense my pressure is not entirely noble. My happiness is wrapped up in her happiness so a content Merideth is also acontent me, but I am no longer sure it stops there. Other reasons for my gung ho attitude have been creeping into my consciousness. Merideth is a great writer and has a shot at her dream; I am not a great filmmaker, and not sure if I could ever become one, so that dream slips further from me every year. Could I live vicariously through her success? Would that give me a bit of the creative life I always wanted for myself? Would it be better than now? I love teaching, but already a familiar voice is whispering in my psyche, “teaching is evil, it is preventing you from reaching your dreams”. I have heard this voice many times before. It causes me to go to grad school, and ponder going onto administration where I would at least be better paid for ignoring my goals.
The fault of not-filmmaking is soley mine. Merideth would be all for it, I have the equipment, the kids are old enough to help. I lack a script, which I could write if I forced myself to write, which I don’t. Too tired, too stressed, too much self-hatred, too much thinking.
I need to not force someone else to become creative in my place.
Professional Development Hell
Aug 18th, 2009 Posted in Life | no comment »People who train teachers call us the worst students on earth. And for the most part, this is true. We snicker, whisper to each other, plan and surf the internet while these people attempt to tell us something they believe will help us. The problem is, these trainers are usually people who have fled the classroom in search of greener pastures, and forget some basic truths about teachers. We have bachelor’s degrees, required by law for teachers. This degree implies that teachers know how to read, how to take notes, and how to analyze information. If you put a bunch of well educated people in a room together, and treat them like teenagers, bad things are bound to occur. They show powerpoints and read us the information from the slide. They force us to engage in the same training over the same information every year, meaning that the entire room can mouth along with the presentation. We are forced to sit through professional development that by all rights we should be teaching because we are in the classrooms, and know better than someone who has been busy lecturing grad students.
There is no solution to this because the solution requires trust. Trust the teachers, when left to their own devices, will strive to improve themselves in the areas they are deficient in. But trust does not justify administration jobs, and trust does not rally voters. So we have ridiculous state-mandated training, and administrator run song-and-dances about “best practices” and learn nothing at all.
There is no solution to this because the solution requires trust. Trust the teachers, when left to their own devices, will strive to improve themselves in the areas they are deficient in. But trust does not justify administration jobs, and trust does not rally voters. So we have ridiculous state-mandated training, and administrator run song-and-dances about “best practices” and learn nothing at all.
If we have to have a Public/Private Hybrid Health Care System, I have an idea
Mar 7th, 2009 Posted in Life | no comment »OK, so the government takes over Primary Care, what an insurance company would call a Primary Care Physician. This meas that the government role in Health Care is focused on Preventative medicine. Private insurance would transition to providing care when and if a medical problem occurs, returning insurance to a state closer to their name implies, insurance against disaster, not providers of everyday care.
The insurance wins because it maintains a clear and delineated market base.
The people win because everyone is offered important routine and preventative care. The decision to carry insurance beyond this remains with every family/employer.
The taxpayer wins because we get routine and basic care out of ERs around the country, and better preventative care keeps some dire medical conditions from developing, saving lives and money.
See, I solved the health care crisis. You’re welcome.
The insurance wins because it maintains a clear and delineated market base.
The people win because everyone is offered important routine and preventative care. The decision to carry insurance beyond this remains with every family/employer.
The taxpayer wins because we get routine and basic care out of ERs around the country, and better preventative care keeps some dire medical conditions from developing, saving lives and money.
See, I solved the health care crisis. You’re welcome.
